Top Ten Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee

10. Your blood type has been reclassified as “Espresso”

9. Every morning you go for a quick 47 mile jog

8. As soon as California legalized gay marriage, you got engaged to Mr. Coffee
7. Your after-shave is hazelnut non-dairy creamer

6. You’re tapping your leg like Larry Craig in a men’s room stall

5. A Starbucks just opened in your basement

4. Your last words before bypass surgery: “Tell Juan Valdez I love him”

3. You average 80 blinks per minute

2. You named your kids “Tall,” “Grande,” and “Venti”

1. You’re unable to sleep, you actually watch “The Late Show”